What Not to Do On a Stakeout
by xAwesomeHeroX
Summary: Alfred is very bored on a stakeout with Arthur and decides to annoy him enough to the point where he complies to have sex with him


Hello~ So this is my first fanfic and reviews would be greatly appreciated~ So this was inspired by a story called Geek in Black and White plus I thought fanfic needs more dealing with Police!Iggy and Police!Alfred~

**Warning: **contains smut and a lot of derpiness as well as use of police items and yeah ._.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hetalia and I do not mean to mock the police and what not so please dun hate

**A/N: **Scotland appears in this and his name is Alaster

Being undercover was one of the best jobs you could have when on the force. Sitting around, patiently waiting for your target to make a move, the thrill of the suspense as to whether or not you'll catch him or not. What made it even better was when you were after a notorious criminal, such as Ivan Braginski.

Now all of this _would have _been great, if he didn't have to deal with the annoyed and bored huffs and sighs and groans of his American partner, Officer Alfred F. Jones. Now he was a good officer, but he was more of a action kind of guy; not the kind who could easily sit still on a stake out. At the moment he was looking out the side window, staring up at the clouds, tapping his fingers on the dashboard.

He _was_ supposed to be on the look out for Ivan, ready to take any pictures for evidence but instead he was staring off into space. Typical. Just goes to show American officers have no patience whatsoever and are all about the rush. This kind of work though was more to Arthur's liking.

The older male tried his best to ignore Alfred's boredom (which was pretty much impossible to do) and started to growl his annoyance. It was only when the foreign officer started to make a high pitched mosquito sounding noise that poor Arthur finally just lost it. He quickly turned to face him, emerald eyes a blaze, nostrils flaring; his voice strained to try and keep himself from really yelling. "For god sakes will you knock it off! We are on an important mission and it's about time you acted like it!"

Alfred stopped the obnoxious noise making and looked at him lazily out of the corner of his bright blue eyes. "But I'm _bored!" _he whined.

"That's no excuse!" Arthur snapped back. Alfred was supposed to be the best of the American officers, so one would _think_ he would at least put forward _some _effort to represent his fellows back home in a more, dignified, manner.

The Brit let out a sigh, trying to calm himself. "The least you can do is pay attention or stop with those noises. They're driving me up the wall."

"But we're in a car-"

"It's a figure of speech you plonker!"

"Touchy, touchy~"

The Brit growled in response, glaring at him from the corner of his eye.

Alfred seemed to be a bit entertained by this but like everything else it didn't last long. Soon enough, he was back to making mosquito noises.

"I swear by the Queen, if you don't stop it right this instant I will hurt you."

"You wouldn't~" the American laughed.

"Would you like to test that?"

"Not really."

"Then belt up," Arthur said flatly.

Alfred pouted and let out a small huff. Thinking of something else to do, Alfred opened his mouth to talk, but soon as he did he was smacked square in the face with a little black notebook. He scowled, a hand to his hurting nose, "The hell was that for!"

"I warned you," Arthur stated casually.

"I wasn't even going to do anything!" the other whined.

"I find that quite hard to believe."

"I'll have you know I was going to apologize!"

Okay, so this made Arthur feel a tad bit bad for whacking him (even though Alfred was actually lying about apologizing and was really just going to complain again). Letting out yet another sigh, he gently massaged his temples, wondering why the hell he had to be stuck with this twat.

"Hey Artie, I have a question!" the younger chimed.

"Is it a stupid one?"

"Nope!"

"Fine, then wot is it?"

"Can we have sex?"

"No Alfred, we're- WAIT WOT?" Arthur pretty much did a double take, looking at the other blond in disbelief. Shaking his head, he asked the younger to repeat himself just so he knew he heard right.

"I asked if we can fuck," he repeated, and innocent smile still on his face.

Well least Arthur knew he wasn't going crazy. He honestly couldn't believe the other wanted to have sex, right now, in the car, while they were on an important mission, in an under cover police vehicle! They would definitely be going against orders and their boss (well Arthur's boss who was also in charge of Alfred for now) would no doubt give them a good scolding is he found out. Just the thought of him finding out, anyone for that matter, finding out, made him want to curl up under a rock. Though he had to admit, having some 'fun' while on duty was a bit of a turn on… What was he thinking? He was a professional and the last thing he should be doing is something like THAT while on the job!

Arthur quickly shook the thought from his mind and looked over at Alfred, and in a stern tone simply answered no.

This, how ever, only brought upon more whines from Alfred to which Arthur replied by yelling no this time at him. The car went silent, Alfred looking out his side window, arms crossed, a childish pout on his face; while Arthur glared out his side window, wondering if it was possible to trade partners with another officer.

The younger blond looked at him from out of the corner of his eye, wondering how Arthur would react if he said something. "…Hey Artie~"

He growled in response and slowly turned his head to glare at him. "Wot. Is it. _Now_."

Alfred shot him a childish grin and asked, "Pretty _please_?"

The Brit held his gaze for a moment before letting out an exasperated sigh. "Fine, but you're topping."

"Awesome!" The younger pretty much threw himself half way over the consol in between the two seats to plant a rough kiss on his lips. Taken by surprise, Arthur yelped and jumped backwards a bit, but was grabbed by the arm and pulled forward to deepen the kiss.

It took a few seconds for the Brit to over come the surprise he felt but when he did he managed to kiss back. He tried to nip as gently as he could at Arthur's lip as he moved from his seat over onto the driver's side of the car. Not the most comfortable of conditions, but Alfred would change that. As they both kissed, each others tongue fighting for dominance, Alfred had reached down and hit the button that would move the seat all the way back. Being a bit distracted, how ever, he was beginning to loose the battle. In order to win over him though, he quickly hit the lever that would release the back of the chair, causing the unsuspecting Brit to fall backwards and bite down on his own tongue.

Letting out a small yelp of surprise and pain, the foreign blond took advantage of the situation and followed him down; forcing his tongue into the others open mouth, sealing the battle. As they explored each others mouths, their hands began to move along the others body, memorizing each curve.

Still locked in the deep kiss, Alfred's hands started to go to work in unbuttoning Arthur's shirt. After a few minutes he was finally successful; pulling away from Arthur, he pulled the shirt away from him, though the fact that he actually wore a light, white, undershirt, struck Alfred with annoyance.

"Seriously Artie? You _trying_ to make this difficult for me?"

Propping himself up on his elbows, scowling up at him he whined, "_Wot?_ I've done nothing so far!"

"You're wearing an undershirt! Who does that?"

"I do! And so does everyone else!"

"No, they don't. Now take it off yourself, too much effort for me."

Sitting up all the way, and removing both shirts, Arthur grumbled something under his breath on the lines of you lazy arse. Starting to fold them up, Alfred quickly snatched them away, throwing them over to where he sat before.

Pushing him back down into the seat with a kiss, he moved his hands along the Brits bare torso, fingers brushing lightly upon the warm skin. Arthur hummed a bit, into the kiss, enjoying the feel of Alfred's hand moving across him. It felt nice to have another person touching his body. He wanted to feel more. He _needed_ to feel more.

Alfred could tell how much the other blond liked being touched. The way his body was reacting to him only turned him on even more and encouraged him to go on. He wanted the Brit, wanted him in a way words could not describe.

Alfred's fingers were lightly moving along his sides, when one of his hands reached up and started playing with one of his nipples. Arthur tried to hold back from making any sound and of course, Alfred wanted to coax as much from him as possible. He wanted to hear Arthur scream his name as loud as he could. Of course though, that wouldn't come till later.

Alfred pulled away from the kiss, causing the other blond to whimper lightly in disappointment. Leaning down, he started to suck lightly on Arthur's other nipple, running his tongue around it, bringing out many sounds of pleasure from the officer below him.

Arthur laced one of his hands into Alfred's hair, the other gripping the edge of the car seat a bit. "D-damn it Jones, g-get on with it already!"

He picked his head up and looked at him, a smirk playing across his face. "So impatient~ I'll take you soon enough, I just wanna play first~"

"W-well then st-stop taking your sweet arse time a-and hurry up!"

"You can wait, it's not like it's going to kill you~"

The Brit let out a low groan, partly from annoyance and partly from the fact that Alfred continued the abuse to his chest. With his other hand he reached down and started to tug at his belt in a few different directions until it finally came undone. Then he started to undo the buttons to his pants and finally the zipper. Slipping his hand into his boxers, he grabbed the others member and started to slowly stroke him.

Gasping at the touch, Arthur let out a moan; starting to squirm around under him as well. "A-Alfred please! Y-you're not being fair!"

"Fine, fine. But only cause you said please!" Releasing him, the American removed his hand and tugged his Arthur's pants off with some difficulty due to the limited space they had. "So, should I prepare you or go right into it?~" he asked with a bright grin.

Blushing at his words, Arthur leaned up a bit to look at him, scowling. "Y-you better prepare me. I don't feel like walking around for a while with a limp as well as not being able to sit! The last thing I need is for others to question wot happened!"

"Alright, geez. No need to get all angry about it." He was kind of glad the other asked him to prepare him. Just meant that the fun would go on longer~ Looking over to his side, he spied something that would even make their fun even better!

Without Arthur noticing, the younger blond grabbed the spied object and started to position the Brit so he would be easier to penetrate. Spreading his legs as wide as the space let them; he placed the baton at his tight entrance and started to push it in.

Lying back down on the seat with his eyes closed, Arthur couldn't help but feel embarrassed at how exposed he was. Feeling the baton touching his skin he furrowed his brows slightly; confused as to what the object was exactly. How ever when it slid into him, his eyes shot open, and obviously what ever it was wasn't the expected fingers. When the pain finally registered in his brain, he let out a loud scream and tried to pull himself out from under him.

Seeing him starting to move, Alfred placed a hand on his shoulder to hold him in place. Leaning down, over him, he whispered to him, trying to get him to calm down before he advanced any farther. "Shhh, it's alright Iggy. Take a deep breath and calm down; I won't move unless you say so."

Clenching his teeth, Arthur was now reduced to an angry growl; still in a fair amount of pain. He was so tempted to hit Alfred right now but he did have to admit (only to himself though of course) that he did kind of enjoy the rough treatment. Instead, with the balls of his clenched hands he started to knead them into to sides of his head; still growling. Finally after a minute or so the Brit was able to form words, which of course weren't the nicest. "Y-you bleeding prat! T-take it out. Take wot ever the h-hell that is _out!_"

Kissing him gently in an attempt to calm him, the other placed a few to forehead and cheeks as well. "Just bare with it babe, it'll be over soon. You asked me to prepare you so I am."

"I-I thought you would do it the _normal_ way w-with your fingers! Not some _object_ that I _still_ a-am not even aware of!"

"Oh, this? It's your baton~ Besides, you never told me what I should prepare you with. I figured this would be nice for a change. And really kinky too~"

"N-nice for a change?" he growled. "H-how the bloody hell would you like it i-if I did the same to you!"

"Hmmm….. Not sure," he answered with a shrug. "But since I'm the one topping I guess we'll never know~ Now are you okay that I can start moving it?"

All he did was look away and take a deep shaky breath, then nod. Given the okay, Alfred started to push the baton in farther; twisting it as it went. Feeling another wave of pain run up his spine, Arthur winced and let out another cry. This time however tears started to form in the corners of his eyes and threatened to roll down his cheeks.

Alfred caught this and leaned forward to kiss gently the corners of his eyes and started to nuzzle the side of his head, cooing into his ear. With his other hand, he reached down and started to stroke him slowly again, hoping it would make him feel a bit better.

To his satisfaction, he heard small groan from the other that turned into moan. When he heard this, Alfred sped up his movements as well as started to twist the baton inside him even more.

Moaning even louder, Arthur's hands moved to grab the American's shoulders tightly. He still felt a fair amount of pain, but it was soon starting to mix with the waves of pleasure he felt as well and he wanted to feel more.

As if his thoughts were spoken aloud, Alfred moved the baton farther into him so it was now at least half way in. He didn't dare go any farther then this in case he might really hurt the other officer. Suddenly, Arthur felt it hit a certain spot and he arched his back, moaning loudly; his sight going white with pleasure.

Seeing this, Alfred grinned and pulled the baton out a bit and thrust it back into him, trying to hit the same spot. Hearing another satisfied moan emerge from the Brit he continued to do this a few more times.

Feeling like he was about to explode, Arthur managed to finally form some words. "F-fuck! Ahhh! A-Alfred I…. Ngh, I can't take m-much more!"

The younger officer blinked at his words, trying to figure out what he meant. Finally it registered in his brain what he said and nodded; slowly starting to pull the object out of him.

Once it was finally out, Arthur let out a sigh of relief and relaxed greatly. He had to admit though, he did miss the feeling. He knew though, that as he lay there, panting heavily, the feeling wouldn't last much longer as Alfred was right now starting to remove his own pants and boxers as well as taking off his glasses in case they might get damaged.

When his clothes were removed, he gave himself a few quick strokes before he placed himself at Arthur's entrance and asked, "Ya ready babe?"

"J-just hurry up!" he begged.

Nodding, without a second thought, Alfred thrust into him all the way, groaning at the sudden heat that surrounded him.

Arthur too let out a moan as he was once again filled, only this time it was Alfred. Soon after his mind cleared from the pleasure he felt, Alfred pulled out almost all the way and started thrusting back into him. He did this continuously a few times, drawing more moans and other small sounds from the other officer as he did so. A minute or so of just thrusting, he started to angle each thrust, searching for the same spot that- ""F-fuck Alfred! Th-there!"

Smirking he continued to hit the same spot dead on, causing more curses, more begging, more pleased and lust filled sounds to erupt from the other. At this point Arthur's hands went from gripping his shoulders to now clawing long marks into his back. As Alfred continued to thrust into him, the Brit bucked his hips and moved them in time with each thrust.

Grabbing his hips roughly, probably enough to bruise them, the younger blond panted lightly as he continued to thrust quickly into him.

"D-damn it…" he stammered. "A-Alfred I can't t-take much more…."

Just barely hearing this, Alfred took one of the hands that grasped his hips and wrapped it around his already leaking member, starting to pump him again and whispered, "Just let it go then."

"N-no, a-ahhh~…. N-not yet…. S-stop!" Unable to hold back much longer, his body tensed up and he arched his back; crying out Alfred's name as he released into his hand and onto his chest; then collapsed back onto the seat, panting heavily.

Thrusting a few more times, he felt Arthur tense up around him; his tight heat completely sending him over bored. Unable to hold back, he thrust deeply into the Brit once more and moaned loudly as he released inside of him.

Panting heavily, he hovered over Arthur for a minute before he leaned down and kissed him sweetly, earning a kiss back. Pulling away, he gently ran a hand through the older blonde messy, damp hair, smiling softly down at him.

Enjoying his touch, after a minute or so, he finally managed to open his eyes. "A-are you still bored now?"

Grinning in amusement at his question, he answered, "Nope~ I think I can last the rest of the stakeout now without problem~"

Nodding, Arthur closed his eyes tiredly again. "Good…. Y-you better."

Looking up and out the window, Alfred squinted at something. "Huh." He stated in a bit of a confused manner.

Still keeping his eyes closed, Arthur asked, "Wot is it luv?"

"Ivan drives a red pick up truck, right?"

"Hm? Yes, he does." Opening his eyes, he looked up at the younger confused. "Wot about it?"

"It's not there." He answered flatly.

"… Wot."

"I said it's no-"

"I know damn well wot you said you git!"

Quickly sitting up, he pushed Alfred off of him to quickly scan the half full small parking lot for the car. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"So. Ye both managed to a high ranking criminal get past ye. An do ye know why?"

Both Alfred and Arthur stood in front of Arthur's boss, Alaster's, desk. Alfred had one of his hands shoved deep in his pocket while the other one rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck; a small blush playing across his face as he tried to not look at his temporary boss. Arthur though was pulling his hat by the rim over his eyes, his other hand clenched into a fist at his side and he wore a blush that was an impossible shade of crimson.

Growling at the lack or response, the Scotsman decided to answer for them. "It's 'cause _ye two_ were too busy fawking each other in the back seat of the car tae notice tha' _ten minutes_ after ye both started, Ivan 'ad a'ready gotten into 'is bloody car an drove off!"

After a minute or so, Alfred was the first one brave enough to respond. "Well just to be fair, we didn't think-"

"Ye'r damn right ye di'n't! Ye both ahre useless. There's a camera as well as a recorder in the dashboard of the car! How could ye not think you'd ge' caught?"

When they had gotten back to the station, Alaster had looked at the recording and over heard their little escape from boredom. Alfred had told him at least he didn't see it. This earned an unamused look from the Brit as well as a hard smack to the head.

Finally Arthur cleared his throat to speak. "W-we're very sorry sir. Our humblest of apologies. We realize wot we did was, erm, bad and we would like to make up for it. We'll do anything you tell us, and we promise not to fool around again this time."

Thinking over this he sighed. "Ye'r both lucky Ah'm not goin tae suspend ye. Ye'r both the best and Artie ye've got a spotless record and Alfred…. Well I can' say the same for ye but it's not my position to suspend ye." Sitting back in his chair, he took a long drag of his fag and breathed out the smoke before he responded. "This won't go on record but Ah'm forcing ye both tae take a weeks suspension an when ye both come back, ye'll have ye'r act tagether an Ah expect a ten page essay on wot not tae do at on a stakeout. Ye understand?"

Alfred was about to protest against the essay (which Arthur found easy enough to do) but before he could say anything he for literally the fiftieth time (yes he had been counting) since they started working together, smacked him upside the head. Scowling at him, the younger rubbed his poor head and soon crossed his arms, pouting and mumbled something about him being a bushy browed jerk under his breath.

Nodding his head to Alaster, Arthur thanked his boss for his leniency and tugged roughly on Alfred's ear. "Come on, git. Let's go before you get us in even more trouble."

"Ow, ow, ow! Me? What did I do?" he whined.

"It's _your_ fault we got in trouble in the first place!"

"Well you're the one who consented!"

"That has nothing to do with it!"

"It takes two ta screw, idiot!"

"Ah swear if ye both don' leave my office soon Ah'll screw both ye'r heads intae the wall!"

Without any more argument the two quickly made their way out of the Scotsman's office; Arthur limping slightly as he went.

That's the end of it. Way to state the obvious. Anyways please review and tell me what you think. What was going through my mind the entire time I have no idea XD


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